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DAC Temporary Mental Instability Override Form # 1311x6 - SECTION C
Please read Section A of this form, and fill out Section B if you meet the criteria for not doing so and are too stubborn, incompetent, delinquent, obsessive, and/or desperate enough to follow instructions, or are egoistical enough to believe you warrant special consideration due to a situation not taken into account by the DAC when drawing up this form. If you are in a special situation, or you have met criteria for not continuing with this form explained in Section A, Section B, and the sign to your left that reads "DO NOT FILL OUT THE DAC TEMPORARY MENTAL INSTABILITY OVERRIDE FORM FOR ANY REASON, FOR THE REASONS BELOW LISTED BELOW, WHICH FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE ARE ALSO LISTED IN SECTION A OF THE TEMPORARY MENTAL INSTABILITY OVERRIDE FORM, AND ELABORATED ON IN SECTIONS C, D, E, F, AND THE ENTIRE FRACTAL WORK 0F ART CURRENTLY KNOWN AS 'FRANGLES' WHOSE SOLE EXISTENT PURPOSE FROM THE FRANGLE OF THE DEVELOPING ARTS COUNCIL IS TO SERVE AS A COMPLETE AND TOTAL EXTENDED DAC TEMPORARY MENTAL INSTABILITY OVERRIDE FORM" and are still !@#$ing doing so anyway (or are incompetent enough to have been unable to parse this sentence to this point or any other point), and you wish to be officially designated as mentally incompetent, please fill out Section C of this form, as you have met the first three dozen criteria for officially being so. (Idiot).
WHAT IS THE MAIN REASON YOU FEEL YOU SHOULD BE CLASSIFIED AS MENTALLY UNSTABLE?
1 - I already told you, I'm the acting commander of the U.S.S. Ionizer and my ship was hit by a freak flutonic memory alteration anomaly in section 331-116.4 while transporting a V.I.P. to negotiate a peace treaty between two local solar nebulae, when my ship was hit by some sort of amnesia phenomenon while transporting somone between two unspecified areas of space, when something happened to my ship which erased our short term memories while transporting someone or other to negotiate some sort of deal, when something happened while we were doing that, and, oh right! We were transporting a V.I.P. between two local nebulae, when we were hit by a tippy flutonic memory ADHD alteration suspential anomaly, or something like that, and what was the question again, I--hey is that cheesecake? Ambassador Viffpsh, what have I told you about using the bridge replicator during a level-one flwoa anomaly? Get that shit off my bridge or I'm gonna turn this whole Flutonia-Flurth treaty training program right off, and you can see how far you get with next month's DGEC Ambassador Re-evaluation without the aid of a decorated fleet captain. Alright, Bix, begin a distress signal to the DAC. THIS IS CAPTAIN KIRBY OF THE U.S.S. IONIZER. OUR SHIP HAS JUST BEEN HIT BY A FREAK FLUTONIC AMN#@%NO_CARRIER
2 - I DMed your entire freaking realm for seven years for my multi-galaxy frwoa-harmonization dissertation, I think that's enough to classify me as mentally unstable. If not, at the least, it should give me the right to fill out whatever dammed DAC form I want without anyone questioning my motives. This entire area of Flutonia wouldn't even exist without me. I stood in front of the KEFF and defended the Flwoa Funding Bill for your area when no one else would, so don't lecture me about having to explain myself if I want a "MENTALLY UNSTABLE" stamp on my hand. I think I've earned it.
3 - I'm a Kroffonian begram programmer from Section C of Area 1-151-1x6 and am doing QA for our form/location number harmonizer. I was supposed to be checking out this relative area in the last known universe no one's ever supposed to know about (don't ask, don't tell), but the number guy keyed in two wrong numbers and sent me to 1-131-1x6 instead of 4-151-1x6 where I was going. I'm not even sure if you're supposed to know about the seven-digit fage/form designation system yet, so I really need a blink back to Kroffonia before I reveal anything else that might rupture local frwoa space. The whole thing is giving me a headache and I really need an aspirin, and I figured maybe being classified as mentally unstable would give your local flink a reason to prescribe some. You do have a flink, right? Oh wait, is this the frwoa with that idiot Skip who gets his memory wiped by the Blorkk Zorgons and then blinks to the frangle that the stability of Okuaka depends on his lame manuscript, that he has to re-write because he looses it arount nova 4 of Writers' Bricks in the explosion that takes out the publishing building that rejected his manuscript? I'm not in Writers' Bricks, am I? Holy !@#$ I am. This is not good. Tiz, hand me the--Orbo are you still running that recorder? Shut that thing O#ffffffXSP##$NO_CARRIER
4 - I accidentally cast an oblivion firebomb spell on all Northern Generika instead of the blue goo blob I was aiming for. My friend Dex told me the ensuing dark ages were all my fault--as did the surviving king, queen, prince, and people of Vilville, and I'm on a quest to find some wise wizard named Mezoro who I hope can diagnose me with ADHD or bipolar or something and tell everyone I have a genetik tendency to !@#$ up every other campaign I go on, rather than just being an idiot. Anyway, someone said I should find this frwoa fairy and ask her to teleport me somewhere relevant that would aid my quest, so she sent me here. Can you give me a scroll or something that says I'm disabled that I can bring back to King Toggler? I'm starting to get thirsty and I completely forgot the Create Food & Water spell I learned last year in cub stouts.
5 - I'm a fracolic dolphin from the final Age of Man swimming through Flutonia on my way to help out Bobby Kirby with the classic Great Blorkk-Zorgon Invasion of 222-155, and became really bored since it won't happen for at least a dozen billennia. While I'm here, you don't happen to remember if the term 'mieon' was coined yet, do you? I forget whether it was coined in the first or second age, and I still can't remember why it took so long for someone to think up a term for "a period of a million years", when 'millennia' and 'bllennia' seem to be pretty popoular. I thumbed through our records but the issue seemed to omitted in the archives for some reason.
6 - I lost my memory three times since 1:11 this morning and everybody keeps telling me I'm the most important writer in the first Age of man, and I'm supposed to write this story or book or something like that; I'm not even quite sure anymore, because everybody keeps using undefined terminology, external Frangles references, and allusions to twenty-first century 155th billennia Earth artworks, because my friter is on his very first frwoa and doesn't yet understand the subtle differences between structuring intentional plot holes and mysteriously defined terms to feign the aura of well-crafted fractal writing that you can jump into at any point, and just plain throwing in a bunch of random shit hoping it will all make sense by the end of the book, which is likely not going to be worth the wait, especially if I'm the one who writes it. To boot, everybody is acting like a whole bunch of other stuff is going wrong too, which I'm extra unequipped to deal with since I'm not even sure what the problem is. The only normal people I've met here are a flock of pigeons who seemed as unconcerned as I am about the increasing crisis, mainly because they lost their memories too, to the point where they even forgot about me, thrusting me into into even deeper levels of peer abandonment than the last two times someone left me to fend for myself after only a few scenes, who all clearly had better things to do than help the Emperor of Artistic Importance write the book that will solve all their problems. Now I've lost my memory, sanity, friends, my horse Artax, the Empress's Orin, my broomstick, ruby slippers, dog Toto, the jump co-ordinates to New Caprica and my cylon detection device, and my way on the path to Fair Use external copyright enlightenment. If that's not enough to convince you, I even have an official certificate of Complete and Total Indefinite Psychotic Break Syndrome Post Traumatically Crucial to the Very Existence of Existence Itself from the shrink next door. After all I've been through this morning so far, I think I deserve a little official recognition, and some sort of push in the general direction of not imploding the known universe, don't you?
7 - I'm just an Earth freer reading Frangles on my local internet, and got so confused by the final line of the Final Phylo of Zeroa that somehow I frwoa-blinked straight into the fictional world of Flutonia where it was the least relevant. It's like sorta digital, but sorta a dream. Maybe I just fell asleep on my keyboard after than shot of Tequila. I'm really confused, and just want to get home. I found your secretary through some kind of surrealy corporeal chat room, but she just told me to sit the hell down and fill out a .php form first. I think she's short a few marbles but I didn't want to bring the issue up in case she's mentally unstable enough to have a shotgun under the counter for people who insult her intelligence. So, just for the pure irony of it, I filled out a mental instability form for myself, but really I just need directions through cyberspace or hyperspace or whatever back to my home dimension. I could also use a glass of water; your water bubbler keeps getting confused and dispensing fire and earth instead, and it's not even quite sure what those are either. It would be great if dumped me to 'Earth' with a capitol 'E' instead of the lowercase word 'earth' meaning 'ground', but the thing just keeps plopping out some stinky mud and occasionally a spell of Fire2 and a puff of Dragon's Breath. I held up a Temporary Mental Instability form up to it for it to sign, but it just cast a small fireball and incinerated it. It also set one of the plants in the office on fire, which is another reason I want a glass of water. The air around the plant doesn't seem sure how fast fire should burn, given the confusion of the fire involving a plant that itself produces oxygen (or what the flutonic formula for oxygen even is, or whether matter should even have a molecular formula other than ratios of fire, earth, wind, water, heart, and GO CAPTAIN PLANET!)--so I think I'm safe for now, but I happen to know there's an entire storeroom of nitrogen oxide next door when I was playing on line Quake, so it shouldn't get much bigger without being put out. I'm not sure whether nitrogen oxide is flammable or not, but my netbook can't detect any wireless signals in the area, so I can't bing or yahoo it to find out. Google's down, too. I tried using fFlip, but he too keeps forwarding me to the DAC online form. So here I am. Can I please go home now? I have a turkey waiting in the oven, and my plant hasn't been watered all week.
If you've circled any of the above, you've completed section C and meet all of the criteria for being designated mentally incompetent by the Developing Arts Council. However, if you had payed closer attention to it, you would realize that you were only asked to fill out this section if you wished to be deemed mentally incompetent, and not mentally unstable. Since this is a mental instability form and not a mental incompetency form, you've basically wasted your time filling out sections A, B, and C of this form, and reading the sign to your left that reads "DO NOT FILL OUT THE DAC TEMPORARY MENTAL INSTABILITY BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH", and have qualified to continue filling out this form, beginning with Section D and proceeding to section F, or section F to section D if you've completed sections A through C in order but have thought of a clever way to fake dyslexia as a further condition for official classification of mental instablitiy since you began filling out this form.
Thank you and have a nice day.
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